UP Writers' Night

So pumunta ako sa UP Writers' Night kagabi...at marami akong napagtanto:

1. I'm hopeless sa pagbabasa kay Google Map, I understand directions much better kung galing sa tao with landmarks and all, wag lang basta "take a left here and a right there..."

2. For her: Yes dear, malapit ang UP Executive House sa College of Architecture, mas madaling tumbukin yung daan from kay Oble kesa magmula sa C.P Garcia (o baka naman yung isa pang Executive House yun, may dalawa daw kayo sa Diliman eh) tapos lakad ng kaunti at may 3 nagsasangang daan, Lakandula ata yun tapos Kalaw and then isang diretso, di ko maalala yung name pero dumiretso ako. Madadaanan yung Archi Building, tapos diretso lang and then a right, may makikita kang sort of barrier, follow the trail upward at yun na yung UP Executive House.


3. As much as I wanted to go in, I couldn't and I wouldn't. Di ko magawang pumasok, una because I feel so under-dressed, they all look fancied up. Wala akong kakilala, lakas lang talaga ng loob ang meron ako at yung pang motivate na part nung post na "inviting all... lovers of the written word..."  kaya ako pumunta.. Tapos I feel that I don't have anything worthwhile to put on the table, ang balak ko lang talaga ay makinig sa kanila and if someone would ever approach me and start asking questions then I'll be so toast! I realized that I am inadequate, wala akong karapatang pumasok doon dahil ramdam kong ang hilaw ko pa, marami pang kulang na dapat punuan sa kakayahan ko. Everyone that was greeted or was asked on stage happens to some award winning fellow, who wrote this and that, naiintimidate ako lalo. I've never really thought about writing awards, all I just really wanted was to write and even with that I feel that I am lacking. Nagkaroon ng urgency sa akin na ayusin ang sarili ko at punan ang mga kakulangan. It was a catalyst. Pumwesto ako sa labas, behind a wire mesh fence and it felt appropriate, I am literally looking in from the outside, at nakuntento ako. Walang insecurity o kalungkutan, realization lang na "Hindi pa ako pwedeng pumasok sa loob, hindi pa. Tignan natin sa susunod na taon." And then someone got on stage and started singing a song about Youth leaders in Mindanao dying for the revolution against the imperialist government, I felt something that I didn't understand and was almost moved to tears. Masaklap. So umalis na ako. This is probably one of the most cowardly thing I've ever done, pero wala akong magagawa, yun ang totoo sa mga oras na iyon. Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad.

4. I had no idea how to get back to the University road, pero di ako masyadong nag-panic, after all UP is interconnected with streets and buildings linked together, right?

5. Man, the moon looks stunning, This looks like a perfect spot to be raped and murdered (or vice versa) (goodness I wish I stop with these gory thoughts)

6. Di porke't nasa UP ako ay makikita ko sya, di lahat ng nakasalamin at shaved ang side hairs ay sya D, please umayos ka.

7. I just realized how much I love UP, bakit ba di ako nag-aral dito? Bakit ako tinamad?

8. I found myself in a coffee and tea house near the campus and started writing my thoughts down, masakit sa kamay pero liberating. The rants and the randomness of everything at ang mabasa sila in a somewhat orderly way kahit all over the place pa rin yung thoughts, iba.

9. Double Vanilla Tea Latte could be my water and I'll live. Grabe ang sarap! And Chicago Cheesecake?! Seriously? I should date myself more often.

10. Out of nowhere. a friend from High School appears. What a way to bring me back to my senses, mas mag-aayos pa ako, mas gagalingan, mas paghuhusayan, mag-aaral ako kung kakailanganin, pormal or di pormal. Sa susunod na taon, tignan natin.