8 to 25: Going in Circles (Sort of Quarter life Crisis)

When I was in my juniors back in High School, one of our seniors whom I am especially close to, told me that those who want to become writers do not succeed and while those who just simply want to write do not care about success. At such a tender age I considered that piece of advise as such a revelation. 2 years after, I enrolled in a state University for a degree in Clinical Psychology, and that's about as near as I can get to writing. I guess you could say that I ran away, it was my first love after all, but practicality and that doubt that I may not be good enough were great reasons for me to choose another field instead.

It is safe to say that I didn't do well while studying a pre-medical course. Don't get me wrong, choosing Psychology was not a random choice, it was really something that I was so fascinated about in a long long while but it was leaps and bounds behind my love of the written word. So there I was hopelessly trying to hold onto a rebound field of study. I didn't graduate on time and didn't do well with my marks. The only time that I actually started loving Psychology was when all of my batch mates were gone from the University and I had to put myself through school. I guess it's kind of love that just grew on me over time since it's the only thing that remained, sadly I was already working as a language tutor in a foreign company and the prospect of furthering my expertise in the study of the human mind was put at back burner. I have a family to work for and a brother to send to school, personal desires and self actualization is an expensive luxury that I can't afford. 

Fast forward to now, 3 years had passed after I left the University, and in those 3 years I've been doing a lot of things I am not even sure if I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I'll be turning 25 in a couple of days and somehow it triggered a certain need for self reassessment, that a guy I started liking a couple of months back. The turning of another year in my life sort of pressured me into finally having a more definite plan in life. 

"What do I really want in life?"

I know that I know the answer, but the how-to of getting there was still lost to me. 

I want to please God. 

But to do that fully, I must know exactly how through the resources that He gave me. June was an especially difficult month for me, I was at my lowest then, I felt lost. How do I really bring glory to God if the way to do so is still so vague to me.

That's is why I am trying to write now, again, publicly. I guess I'll try to learn as I go along. This may end really badly for me, but at least I tried discovering, right? And I tried growing.