For the 1st time in 3 years, my Xof11 series started 4 days late. For this, D apologizes. My life is in transition and I kind of lost the thirst to share random going ons in my head because of what happened last summer. But this must not be so, I owe it to myself at the very least to keep on writing, regardless of how useless these ramblings are.
It is hard to find something worthy to share on the internet. I learned that my thoughts may be of value but it doesn't cut the cheese that much. The complexes of writing had been haunting me for the last 3 months that my draft box started getting crowded again: plot points, story ideas and ramdom posting of the mundane life doesn't seem to have a place here so I either never write them down or I don't know how to finish.
So for this year's offering of Xof11 series, I will try to gain my footing, again. Baby steps muna.
The start of September is uncharacteristically hot and I am once again late for the day job. Well in my defense my August was filled with overtimes, 31.5 hours of O.Ts to be exact. I still have my morning part time and it amazes me how I am still able to function. Cranky mood aside I am fairly productive and I even find myself enjoying the working hours. *I had to re-read that again because I couldn't believe I said that, hahaha*
I still watch movies, or at least I try to since I couldn't find the time to read. There's this new micro cinema somewhere in San Juan that screens indie films and I am frequenting the place as much as I can. The 1st of September was spent mostly at work but I carried around thoughts of catching 2 movies that night with high school friends in this place. I haven't seen them in a while, "hibernating lang, pagbigyan nyo na." was mostly what I said and I saw that they didn't believe me but eventually let me off the hook, they know I won't spill whatever is happening with me just to avoid spoiling the night. We saw this little film by Eugene Domingo, talented actress and really clever. You could see the wheels turning in her head as she portrays this small town widow that took over her husband's barber shop after his demise, and that she takes in rebels of martial law in her off hours. It wasn't particularly transforming but I loved the friendship portrayed on screen and the chemistry of the cast is spot on; the casting director did his/her job well. On the ride home we broke down the film and critiqued everything about it as we usually do, and somehow I feel like my old self again. Laughing and thinking and arguing and just being. I missed this side of me, it feels like I let her sleep for a long time.
And of course I am late the next day, this is almost funny because right after the part time job I should have packed my stuff and traveled right away to Makati but instead I made my way to the sleeping quarters to sleep despite of the consequences. Sabi ko 15 minutes lang pero I knew that I am just fooling myself. The sleepless nights and the workload took over and so I dozed off. I arrived in Makati a little before 11am and I plunged head on the pending tasks that were waiting for me. It was a long Friday. I shut off my computer around 8 pm and the office crush took notice, "ang aga mo ah," I smiled, in the last month we often go home the same time and he mentions the long hours more than twice. "Di ko sure kung seryoso ka dun sa sinabi mong balak mong magpayaman or may 10 kang anak na itinatago sa akin, pero di na maganda yan." Natawa ako dito, for whatever reason he always connect things back to him. I traveled to our worship house before finally going home and found the young people prepping for their Evangelistic weekend. They were surprised to see me there, being a corporate slave does that to a person and add to that a somewhat unstable personal life, and you have enough reasons to want to seek only the confines of your room and just shut off the world. Looking at them made me miss being young, I had the same worries then (family, finances and work) but I had my idealism to cushion everything. Now, I can see myself jaded and hardened by this world and the people in it. I sort of wanted them to stay that way, protected from all the disappointments that await them outside the four walls of the Church. My darling girl sat beside me and started fiddling with my hair, "I never liked you with short hair, it's suits you so I know that something's up", I just shook my head in response, the drastic hair cut was indeed a surprise to my peers, "nagtitipid ako sa tubig at shampoo" was what I often tell them, kasi mas madali yung ipaliwanag kesa magkwento sa tunay na dahilan. Ano bang maaaring isagot sa ganoong mga pagkakataon? Umuwi ako ng bahay na bahagyang magaan ang pakiramdam, socialization is a tonic I have been avoiding for a while and that I am getting even without asking for. Maybe actually seeing people could help. It's just that with what happened in the previous months made me realize that I should not open up to anyone just like that, they didn't deserve knowing me that much.
The 3rd of September was a lazy day. I spent it in bed, often getting up just for food and to go to the loo. I was invited to see my high school friends once again and for the 3rd time this week, I actually got up and mingled with people. So awesome D, you deserve an ice cream. We saw a movie in Ris' house and had one of her awesome coffee things. I spent the night just listening to them talk and soaking up in their energies made my insides tingle. I went home when suggestion of tequila was brought up, not a drinker so I passed up the chance. Slumber was quick.
Today, our Church celebrated Youth Day. The young people were ecstatic and all over the place. The Wonder boy was everywhere and it makes my heart ache in this beautiful way seeing how he lead them. He competed for the bi-annual Bible Drill and surprisingly did well. His tie was loose and his hair was a mess but his eyes were twinkling. Our team lost yet again to one of our oldest mission works and everyone's pretty bummed out but the Wonder Boy wouldn't stay down and wanted to have Bulalo instead. Since I have been craving for some warm soup as well I readily agreed and asked some friends to join us. Danz actually bought a car last month and with her being in Taipei for 10 days we were able to use the vehicle because Z has the keys. I insisted on this place just border of Manila and Quezon City known for their bulalo and it turns out the W.B just went there the night before. Di ako nasabihan na manlilibre pala ako kagabi and to save my butt from total wallet annihilation he picked up the tab instead. Why do I let things get to me when t I have people like him and there are places like this to visit? With a smile he reached for my head and pat my hair like the cat he thinks I am. "Don't cut your hair again, masyadong bagay".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
September is starting off slow and I appreciate the way it promises something normal. I still need to look for a house and set up a bank account for Mama's allowances. I am not really sure about most things in life but I am reassured that it will get better. Eventually, I think I'll write something sweet and nice again, change this blog's theme to something lighter (maybe pink again? Hahaha), or maybe vlog if there's time or write a screenplay since I have been putting it off. I dunno, I am approaching this with caution, changes I mean. September, would you be kind to me?
It is hard to find something worthy to share on the internet. I learned that my thoughts may be of value but it doesn't cut the cheese that much. The complexes of writing had been haunting me for the last 3 months that my draft box started getting crowded again: plot points, story ideas and ramdom posting of the mundane life doesn't seem to have a place here so I either never write them down or I don't know how to finish.
So for this year's offering of Xof11 series, I will try to gain my footing, again. Baby steps muna.
The start of September is uncharacteristically hot and I am once again late for the day job. Well in my defense my August was filled with overtimes, 31.5 hours of O.Ts to be exact. I still have my morning part time and it amazes me how I am still able to function. Cranky mood aside I am fairly productive and I even find myself enjoying the working hours. *I had to re-read that again because I couldn't believe I said that, hahaha*
I still watch movies, or at least I try to since I couldn't find the time to read. There's this new micro cinema somewhere in San Juan that screens indie films and I am frequenting the place as much as I can. The 1st of September was spent mostly at work but I carried around thoughts of catching 2 movies that night with high school friends in this place. I haven't seen them in a while, "hibernating lang, pagbigyan nyo na." was mostly what I said and I saw that they didn't believe me but eventually let me off the hook, they know I won't spill whatever is happening with me just to avoid spoiling the night. We saw this little film by Eugene Domingo, talented actress and really clever. You could see the wheels turning in her head as she portrays this small town widow that took over her husband's barber shop after his demise, and that she takes in rebels of martial law in her off hours. It wasn't particularly transforming but I loved the friendship portrayed on screen and the chemistry of the cast is spot on; the casting director did his/her job well. On the ride home we broke down the film and critiqued everything about it as we usually do, and somehow I feel like my old self again. Laughing and thinking and arguing and just being. I missed this side of me, it feels like I let her sleep for a long time.
And of course I am late the next day, this is almost funny because right after the part time job I should have packed my stuff and traveled right away to Makati but instead I made my way to the sleeping quarters to sleep despite of the consequences. Sabi ko 15 minutes lang pero I knew that I am just fooling myself. The sleepless nights and the workload took over and so I dozed off. I arrived in Makati a little before 11am and I plunged head on the pending tasks that were waiting for me. It was a long Friday. I shut off my computer around 8 pm and the office crush took notice, "ang aga mo ah," I smiled, in the last month we often go home the same time and he mentions the long hours more than twice. "Di ko sure kung seryoso ka dun sa sinabi mong balak mong magpayaman or may 10 kang anak na itinatago sa akin, pero di na maganda yan." Natawa ako dito, for whatever reason he always connect things back to him. I traveled to our worship house before finally going home and found the young people prepping for their Evangelistic weekend. They were surprised to see me there, being a corporate slave does that to a person and add to that a somewhat unstable personal life, and you have enough reasons to want to seek only the confines of your room and just shut off the world. Looking at them made me miss being young, I had the same worries then (family, finances and work) but I had my idealism to cushion everything. Now, I can see myself jaded and hardened by this world and the people in it. I sort of wanted them to stay that way, protected from all the disappointments that await them outside the four walls of the Church. My darling girl sat beside me and started fiddling with my hair, "I never liked you with short hair, it's suits you so I know that something's up", I just shook my head in response, the drastic hair cut was indeed a surprise to my peers, "nagtitipid ako sa tubig at shampoo" was what I often tell them, kasi mas madali yung ipaliwanag kesa magkwento sa tunay na dahilan. Ano bang maaaring isagot sa ganoong mga pagkakataon? Umuwi ako ng bahay na bahagyang magaan ang pakiramdam, socialization is a tonic I have been avoiding for a while and that I am getting even without asking for. Maybe actually seeing people could help. It's just that with what happened in the previous months made me realize that I should not open up to anyone just like that, they didn't deserve knowing me that much.
The 3rd of September was a lazy day. I spent it in bed, often getting up just for food and to go to the loo. I was invited to see my high school friends once again and for the 3rd time this week, I actually got up and mingled with people. So awesome D, you deserve an ice cream. We saw a movie in Ris' house and had one of her awesome coffee things. I spent the night just listening to them talk and soaking up in their energies made my insides tingle. I went home when suggestion of tequila was brought up, not a drinker so I passed up the chance. Slumber was quick.
Today, our Church celebrated Youth Day. The young people were ecstatic and all over the place. The Wonder boy was everywhere and it makes my heart ache in this beautiful way seeing how he lead them. He competed for the bi-annual Bible Drill and surprisingly did well. His tie was loose and his hair was a mess but his eyes were twinkling. Our team lost yet again to one of our oldest mission works and everyone's pretty bummed out but the Wonder Boy wouldn't stay down and wanted to have Bulalo instead. Since I have been craving for some warm soup as well I readily agreed and asked some friends to join us. Danz actually bought a car last month and with her being in Taipei for 10 days we were able to use the vehicle because Z has the keys. I insisted on this place just border of Manila and Quezon City known for their bulalo and it turns out the W.B just went there the night before. Di ako nasabihan na manlilibre pala ako kagabi and to save my butt from total wallet annihilation he picked up the tab instead. Why do I let things get to me when t I have people like him and there are places like this to visit? With a smile he reached for my head and pat my hair like the cat he thinks I am. "Don't cut your hair again, masyadong bagay".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
September is starting off slow and I appreciate the way it promises something normal. I still need to look for a house and set up a bank account for Mama's allowances. I am not really sure about most things in life but I am reassured that it will get better. Eventually, I think I'll write something sweet and nice again, change this blog's theme to something lighter (maybe pink again? Hahaha), or maybe vlog if there's time or write a screenplay since I have been putting it off. I dunno, I am approaching this with caution, changes I mean. September, would you be kind to me?
Saan yung sinehan na maliit lang?
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