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A few hours left and 2013 will be coming to a close, and with all the changes that this year has brought, I am pretty optimistic for the coming year. I know that the Lord will always be with me, and there may be sad days and ended relationships, I know that there is a greater reason for it all.

Text Reads:

 "Dear Dindin,

I hope that everytime (sic) you open this planner to schedule your days that you'll be reminded that you do these things for a higher purpose, to praise & pleas God. He should be your Standard, your best Friend, Commentator, your only One. I hope you'll always be reminded of that. And that things, no matter how hard they may be now, will always turn out for the better. Now smile and do your Lord some glory.

-Lovingly,

Past Dindin"

Things I need to be telling Myself more often

“

1. Know that you are still blooming, and this is okay.

2. Write handwritten love notes to the parts of yourself you hate.

3. Find the comfort in holding your own hand.

4. Remember, even clouds cry sometimes.

5. Date yourself. Get to know yourself again.

6. Learn how to be alone without feeling lonely.

7. Do something that scares you every day, no matter how small. Watch your life change.

8. Stop wishing for a vacation and make your life into something you don’t wish to escape from.

9. Recognize that the best artists color outside the lines. You have the same freedom in your life. Break conventions.

10. Go to the florist on the corner and buy yourself some flowers. Spoil yourself. You deserve it.

11. Throw out your premeditated list of qualities for your perfect mate. That special person is not a recipe or equation. Humans are more than that.

Birthday Month Done

It's been 22 days since my birthday, and I really wanted to post something about how my celebration went down, but the surprises and events just extended through the end of the month, so I opted to wait it out a bit. As a start, I received the yummy treats posted above from one our Church's nice ladies. She missed one letter off my name, but whatevs, the cup cakes were delish, so I'll take them anytime. 

Shameless Birthday Wishlist

September 10, 2013 - Tuesday

So you are reading this. It’ll be my birthday in less than 24 hours, and although I am not super as excited as someone who’s turning a year older should be, I still want it to be kinda good J So here are some shameless request from someone who is succumbing to caprice from time to time. Please note that these requests are made because I need them, and in case you are thinking of a gift to give me, this is a bit of a helping hand .

One heck of a Ride

September 05, 2013 – Thursday

Yesterday may have been the day that I had my worst MRT trip ever. People seemed to forget that I am human being too, let alone a woman. So, while I was there, squished and trying my best to stifle my cries of agony, I realized that I have been using this means of transportation for the past 5 years. Yep, 5 years, 3 jobs and a lot pounds ago I was someone who was really amazed by the power and beauty of using the MRT.  Para sa akin noon, it speaks of freedom and being a grown up. Alam mo yung parang sa mga Hollywood movies, kung saan yung matatanda kapag pumapasok sa mga trabaho nila ay gumagamit sila ng subway. I was so drunken with the thought that I was actually doing something a grown up only could,  that di ko agad napansin na it’s a war out there.  So here are some of the stuff that I realized and observed sa kasasakay sa mechanical-uod na to, I’m sharing them to you para parang preparation na din. These are my opinions, each to his/her own ika nga.

Just last Thursday Macky and I had dinner, and we went on to talk about how Ro was jealous of you  because of 'yah, I wanted to tell him that you are not hanging around because of her but because of me. I wanted to tell him because I want to claim you for my own. That the promise you made 8 years ago still stands, regardless how immature it sounded then.

On Beauty

This would probably be one of my most popular status ever, I just sure hope that those people understood what I was talking about.

     

      My father likes pets, and ever since I could remember, there will always be at least one variety from the animal kingdom that will be residing with us. There was this one particular time when I was around 4 or 5 years old that we had a cat. My father was quite fond of it. It then got pregnant and soon after there was a litter of blind kittens meowing and stinking up the house. Once, I was left alone in the house and incidentally, the cat left her litter, probably to hunt down some rodents which are quite populous in our humble abode. In my young mind, I didn’t intend to harm the little kitties, I just wanted to play. I started to pick one up, tried to make it stand and dance. It was like playing with dolls. I made it walk around the park of Paris, made it dance on a stage in New York and made fly like one of those circus acts in Vegas. I was having fun, till my mom found me with a lifeless kitten in my hand. I could still remember the look that she gave me.  It was a mixture of horror and disappointment with a tinge of pity. Pity for what, that I didn't know, but in retrospect I think I should have been punished then, because now I feel horrible about what I did. And nothing could bring back that kitten, and I probably will always think of myself as a kid with psychopathic tendencies when I was younger because of what happened.

     This whole reflection made me think about you, and how you are breaking my heart now. Were you just like me when I killed that kitten?  Were you foreign to the concept that you are man-handling my emotions just like how I was with that poor creature? And will I have to wait at least 2 decades for you to ponder on the emotional damage you are bestowing upon me now?

I should have left those newborns all by their selves, like how you should have let me be. Years passed, we grew apart and I how I wish that we just let things the way they are when we were still awkward around each other. If only I did just that, then that kitten will still be alive and I won’t have a broken heart.

                

“

Never play the princess when you can
be the queen:
rule the kingdom, swing a scepter,
wear a crown of gold.
Don’t dance in glass slippers,
crystal carving up your toes—
be a barefoot Amazon instead,
for those shoes will surely shatter on your feet.

Never wear only pink
when you can strut in crimson red,
sweat in heather grey, and
shimmer in sky blue,
claim the golden sun upon your hair.
Colors are for everyone,
boys and girls, men and women—
be a verdant garden, the landscape of Versailles,
not a pale primrose blindly pushed aside.

Chase green dragons and one-eyed zombies,
fierce and fiery toothy monsters,
not merely lazy butterflies,
sweet and slow on summer days.
For you can tame the most brutish beasts
with your wily wits and charm,
and lizard scales feel just as smooth
as gossamer insect wings.

Tramp muddy through the house in
a purple tutu and cowboy boots.
Have a tea party in your overalls.
Build a fort of birch branches,
a zoo of Legos, a rocket ship of
Queen Anne chairs and coverlets,
first stop on the moon.

Dream of dinosaurs and baby dolls,
bold brontosaurus and bookish Belle,
not Barbie on the runway or
Disney damsels in distress—
you are much too strong to play
the simpering waif.

Don a baseball cap, dance with Daddy,
paint your toenails, climb a cottonwood.
Learn to speak with both your mind and heart.
For the ground beneath will hold you, dear—
know that you are free.
And never grow a wishbone, daughter,
where your backbone ought to be.

”

—	Poem by Sarah McCane, last two lines are a quote from Clementine Paddleford

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