“I will remember the kisses 

our lips raw with love 

and how you gave me 

everything you had 

and how I 

offered you what was left of 

me, 

and I will remember your small room 

the feel of you 

the light in the window 

your records 

your books 

our morning coffee 

our noons our nights 

our bodies spilled together 

sleeping 

the tiny flowing currents 

immediate and forever 

your leg my leg 

your arm my arm 

your smile and the warmth 

of you 

who made me laugh 

again.”

—	Charles Bukowski

Let's talk Satire

     The Miriam-Webster Dictionary defined satire as  "a way of using humor to show that someone or something is foolish, weak, bad, etc; or it is a kind of humor that shows the weaknesses or bad qualities of a person, government, society, etc." With the Filipinos' affinity with the use of humor as a coping mechanism, the use of satire is definitely something that is gaining popularity in our modern age.

    Satirical news portals such as "So, What's News" is a good example. It is an accessible source of political news and issues broken down and presented in a different way, the ridiculous way. These kinds of news sources shed a different light over the daily serving of gore and disappointments that is headline news. In a way, the use of humor helps the common Pinoy deal with all the heartbreaking realities that are ever present in his life. If one thinks about it, it so much like staring the ugliness in the face and laughing at it.

Updates with some great news :)

Hello cyber people that I love. I actually miss talking to you guys, everything has been really crazy in a good way :)

Work- I am still working for this realty documentation company, and I am happy to say that I am finally adjusting (well I better be after 2 years, right?). I still eat alone during lunch breaks but it is mostly because I am the only one who packs her lunch here, and I engage more often now with my co-workers. We are on a friendly interactions now, that or I just finally stopped caring. I am taking it all as positively as possible. 

     I also returned to my first Korean tutoring company, the adjustment back to the 5 am shift is slow but I am managing. It also helps that I actually like this job, that and that I am pretty good at it (hopefully not sounding too proud). 

Family- My younger brother and I managed to patch things up, with him having a baby and all that, a feud would not serve the two of us any good. My youngest brother will be finally attending College this June, which I am really excited for, because I really want him to have a secure future. I am all good with both of my parents, however Papa and I tend to argue from time to time. 

Spiritual Life- We will be having a big production in Church later this year which I am so stoked about. I have been praying for this for years actually, and it’s here finally. Rehearsals are keeping me busy, but when you are laboring for the Lord, you don’t really notice it. You will sleep with a smile on your face. I am also striving for a consistent personal time with the Lord every morning. I want to be as involve with Him as He is with me. I fail, most of the time, but the enormity of His love for me overshadows any fault I may have and only causes me to move forward. Please pray for me to continue on this. 

Personal Life- I recently started dating someone. Even while typing this brings smile to my face (and now I can’t get rid of it :D), he is an old friend I met during my competitive writing phase back in High School. I am praying that the Lord use me in his life, and that regardless if this works out with him or not, that I will come out of it stronger in Him, with faith progressing. I have been spending a lot of time with him recently, and I am trying really hard not to be distracted with the things that are important (Faith, Family, Friends and me). 

    I am also sort of trying to fulfill some self-set goals declared years ago. Some that are on the top of my head is to learn to swim and to learn how to play the guitar. They seem to be really trivial stuff, but they were sort of my frustrations ever since I could remember, and I am pushing for the actualization of these goals (finally!). 

    I have been saving too! Yey! I downloaded this 50 pesos saving scheme last year, and I have been successful so far, keeping with the schedule and the amount to be deposited. It is my goal for next year to have the liberty to travel without the burden of financial worries. And I can only do that if I save up now. 

I’d like to think that I am moving forward with life (thank God!) and that I am easing into adulthood slowly but surely. This is so self absorbed of me to act as if I have an audience to read this, hahaha but I can’t help it. Take it as a trace I leave in this enormous world. :D So how are you guys?

A letter to the boy

Dear You,

The last time we saw each other, you told me where you work. Surprisingly, it is just a few blocks away from my own employment. I obsessed with this idea for nearly a month now, the very thought of you near me was too intoxicating that it even inspired me to step out of my building and actually walk around and do errands. Who knows? I might even bump into you. I struggled not to google your exact location, that is just too creepy and stalker-ish, and I've been down that road before, with you too, it was ugly. And for the past week this is what I've come to realize, we exist apart from each other. Or rather, you exist even without me, while I just float, keeping appearance for the sake of other people who expect me to do so. The idea itself is painful. The loneliness that once haunted me whenever you are not around is present again. We could be walking on the same street, with me desperately locating anyone that resembles you, while you are probably just too eager to get home, not a single thought devoted to me.

When I was younger, I read this book by Ricky Lee. In it he said, that love follows a certain quota that with every 5 people who love only 1 gets to be really happy, the rest either love those who don’t love them, or would love without learning or would love nothing, or would never love at all. Of course, the idealistic me cannot sit with this idea, I cry a loud “Unfair!” and could not just accept it. I thought then that we all have a fighting chance with love, that we can freely choose and be happy with the choices and people we want to live the rest of their lives with. And of course, I was wrong. Things are far more complicated than that. I learned, bitterly, that just because you want someone or something, doesn’t mean you’ll get them.

I met up with my ex-boyfriend about two weeks ago. I was cocky to be honest. I thought that not seeing him after almost 3 years mended all the brokenness in me. I thought of a lot of things, till he started talking about regrets and things said and done. These made me sad, because all them are in the past, beyond my reach and irrevocable. I thought about the 19 year old me, how she is so different from the person that I am today. I remember the confidence, the carefree tossing backward of head while laughing, having no concern with the issues of the future. I remember that younger version of myself also saying, quite defiantly if I may add, that “I am prepared to be hurt, it’s not love if I am afraid of pain. It’s okay to have my heart broken, especially when it’s him breaking it.” I want to smack that kid’s head now. Her carelessness and recklessness resulted to this sorry version of a person I am today. Because now, whenever friends quiz me with questions regarding love, commitment and “going out there”, I feel nothing. I thought of times that maybe I am done with this whole business of ending up with someone. That maybe, this, the now that I have, is my preparation to spinsterhood. The notion seems ridiculous, but that is how I feel now. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t switched teams, I’m still for dudes and it’s not like there are no instances wherein someone will come around and show some interest. It’s just whenever someone does show or express interest, all I feel is indifference. I can comprehend the proposition, but I cannot relate to it, it feels so alien to me.

I recently became a Cat owner, and so much more

Holla lovies! So this is my first update for the year, and I am pretty preoccupied with a lot of stuff so I didn’t get to start writing again until now. So updates:

1. I’ve recently become a cat owner- well by being an owner I mean I officially gave name to a cat who my mom has been feeding for the past 6 months. So yeah, it is weird in so many levels, because Cats are not cuddly, at all. And I think I should be somewhat upset because, he is like that, but I don’t care. Maybe I am more of a cat than I led myself to believe. And btw, his  name is Fitzgerald. I find my self screaming Sir Fitzgerald! whenever I get upset at him, which is weird.
2.  I think I developed Stockholm syndrome at work, because I am finally getting comfortable with the people I am working with, cause they can be a bunch of buffoons most of the time. Well, that or I just really stopped caring altogether, cause they still gossip about me, and it doesn’t matter anymore. I even find myself laughing with (and mostly at them) sometimes. Imagine that. 

Page 365 of 365

A few hours left and 2013 will be coming to a close, and with all the changes that this year has brought, I am pretty optimistic for the coming year. I know that the Lord will always be with me, and there may be sad days and ended relationships, I know that there is a greater reason for it all.

Text Reads:

 "Dear Dindin,

I hope that everytime (sic) you open this planner to schedule your days that you'll be reminded that you do these things for a higher purpose, to praise & pleas God. He should be your Standard, your best Friend, Commentator, your only One. I hope you'll always be reminded of that. And that things, no matter how hard they may be now, will always turn out for the better. Now smile and do your Lord some glory.

-Lovingly,

Past Dindin"