Post-Something Post

Over a month ago I was tasked to write a poem, a Tagalog poem at that, with the intent of presenting it to about 1,500 audiences. It was nerve racking. The writing process prompted the return of my insomnia, irritable mood and writing insecurities. It was not a good time.

11th of 11

I am amazed at how this day turned out!

10th of 11: How I Want It

    I did mention that I had an idea or two on how to spend this year's celebration of my birthday. It required stamina and quite an amount of money as I was planning of spending it with friends. Here's the rough supposed 'to-do' list:

1. Have my hair dyed a striking color blue and pink (Didn't get to do that exactly, had it with a lighter hue though)

9th of 11: Glimmer

    

     Arrangements have been made and it looks like I am indeed going to move out of our house. Almost 26 years and I am sure as hell am not prepared for it.To stay at home is enjoy the conveniences of life, however if I do really need to change something, anything I must do something different first. My youngest brother is apathetic about it. He will be moving with me and this is so much about him than about me, while our father is against it, there are other ways he said. I don't want to risk it before it's too late. So yeah, in the last couple of days I was staying at friends' houses and exploiting their kindness. It's overwhelming. 

8th of 11: A Pang of Something

To be honest the whole idea of the "X of 11" is to document the 10 days leading to my birthday and to establish an actual record of what I am doing on those days. Currently it's either super boring or depressingly dark, and when I try something else it doesn't make much sense to me. Hahaha, I don't know why I do these things anyway. Meh, for internet existence! Here goes another one.

7th of 11: The Need for Friends

     If there is something, anything that the Lord made sure during this weekend's unraveling is that He made sure I didn't feel alone, even while the little plans that I have set ahead are all crumbling before my eyes, He made real sure that I didn't feel and wasn't left alone. He made His presence so felt that I get teary just by revisiting the experience. He reinforced it by sending friends.

     Salamat guys, di ko kayo maisa-isa pero I think I managed to keep my sanity in tact because of you. If you are ever feeling down and bad about yourself please know that you helped in lifting my spirits up (and I hope you realize what a big of a deal that is) and if you are looking for anything that will brighten your day, this is it. Thank you, sobra. Now let's move our butts and brave through this week. 

3rd of 11: Palengke Stories

I can sense that this project is slowly turning into an anthology of my job seeking exploits that are not ending well. I am jeopardizing the tone of the entire thing because I am slowly burying myself in the funk. So today, let me try something to change it a bit.

Noong bata pa ako, lagi akong fail sa pamamalengke. Ewan ko ba kung bakit basta laging fail, basta fail sya. Bale, 7 years old pa lang ako at 6 yung sumunod sa akin ay inuutusan na kami ni Ina sa kung saan-saan. Sa pamamalengke ako madalas pumapalpak.

2nd of 11: Mundane is Constant

tag-lish post coming to you in a moment, nawa'y di kayo masuka sa pagkairita. :)

     My scheduled job interview today brought me back to the Ortigas-Mandaluyong area. At muli kong natagpuan ang sarili kong nakaupo sa isang regular bus mula sa Cubao at tinitiis ang bigat ng traffic. It's the kind where you fall asleep on one spot and you wake up a good 10 minutes later, having moved for about a meter only (or even less), basta nakakairita. Ipinaalala muli sa akin ng biyaheng iyon kung bakit di naging mahirap sa akin ang magresign mula sa dati kong trabaho sa Ortigas, nakakaubos na ng lakas ang biyahe papuntang trabaho tapos kalahi pa ni Satanas ang ugali ng mga maaabutan mo sa opisina (my better judgement is trying to tell me not to add that  part, but one must make some really bad choices sometimes, may it be a collection of words turn into a phrase, right?) Alas-nuebe ang scheduled interview ko, pero halos 9:30 na ay nasa Cubao pa rin kami. Wala halos usad, masaklap. I was actually scared na baka bumalik yung mga INC kaya ganoon na lang bagal ng galaw ng mga sasakyan (oo medyo iritable ako sa isyu na yan dahil naroon ako ng mga panahong nagpapakitang gilas ang kultong yun, pipigilin ko na ang sarili ko dito baka ano pa ang madagdag ko). Iniisip ko pa yung lalaking katabi ko sa bus, panay ang sipat sa akin/sa dibdib ko, medyo nailang pa ako kasi baka kako ang revealing ng damit ko gayong I took great care in choosing my attire for this interview, red nga lang yung bra ko, dahil kaya dun yun? Hmmm.

1st of 11: Bring it On!

Like last year I am taking it upon myself to write everyday from the 1st till the 11th of September. I've been very lazy despite of my resolve at the beginning of the year to exercise writing constantly and actually posting it, cause I have to keep appearance with my internet existence and then some other superficial reason like that. 

     So I started September with a great task upon me, I am looking for a job. This is unusual. I've never been jobless on my birthday month and to add pressure to the entire matter, my savings is dwindling down, so it's needless to point out that there seemed to be an imaginary timer up on my head upon starting this month. There are bills to pay, brother's tuition to worry about, dad's medication to maintain and books to buy but never read. Reality is hard. (Lol, I went a little dark there for a moment).

Melchor

“You are nothing like her...,” is what your card said. It sat atop my old moss green luggage, waiting for me to do something about it. I entered your apartment in a daze, confused with the bareness of it, with just the clatter of the keys echoing, welcoming me. Empty and discarded, with everything that once brought it life, gone. And like a lost kid, waiting for me amidst its emptiness is my old luggage. It looked so out of place in all that space. I wanted to hug it; or rather I wanted it to hug me. Desperate times call out for desperate measures, doesn't it?

“You are nothing…”

This already feels like a nightmare

Cheese Stick Pesto or Classic Pandesal

It was a little after 5 in the afternoon and the sky promises of rain; I'm worried. I reread the last sms you sent and grunted, the gnawing sensation in the pit of my stomach is over-taking me and soon after a decision was made. I gathered my things, finished whatever I can and took note of the tasks that will have to wait till the next day. I calculated the time; if I leave at 6, I can reach your place a little after 8, I can go back to Manila 10 at the latest and still make it to our rehearsal that usually drag on till the wee hours of the night. I tried containing this unnamed feeling that started swelling in me after the decision was made. Whatever may happen, this will be the first time that I'll be seeing you properly after almost 5 months of absence. 

"Whatever happened to us?" 

I shoved down this thought somewhere deep in my unconscious, if I dwell on it I may not be able to control the shivering in my muscles and the mixture of panic and excitement that is about to burst out from my mouth. I try to limit the expectations, whatever mess we are both in won't be fixed with just one surprise visit. It won't be that easy and it will require you clarifying the murky waters of whatever it is going on between us, or not. 

Let's talk Satire

     The Miriam-Webster Dictionary defined satire as  "a way of using humor to show that someone or something is foolish, weak, bad, etc; or it is a kind of humor that shows the weaknesses or bad qualities of a person, government, society, etc." With the Filipinos' affinity with the use of humor as a coping mechanism, the use of satire is definitely something that is gaining popularity in our modern age.

    Satirical news portals such as "So, What's News" is a good example. It is an accessible source of political news and issues broken down and presented in a different way, the ridiculous way. These kinds of news sources shed a different light over the daily serving of gore and disappointments that is headline news. In a way, the use of humor helps the common Pinoy deal with all the heartbreaking realities that are ever present in his life. If one thinks about it, it so much like staring the ugliness in the face and laughing at it.