My Phone is Not Broken

My phone is not broken.
There is no use checking on it constantly.
It still beeps and rings at the right time.
It works just fine, and when it is silent,
it is because there is nothing for it
to beep and ring about.
It just means that you are gone and so here comes pain.


No Cubao Phone Repair shop can fix this.
Nothing can fix this.

From the ashes

“I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.”

-Haruki Murakami

I am going to tell you a bit about my Grandmother: 7th of 11

Shown here in the middle, donning a cream top and a very stylish pants, just being fab under a banana tree.

Here's to Changes

I once asked friends what is that one thing that is keeping them from doing what they want to do in life and often I was answered back that is fear. Fear, taking form one way or another. I am afraid. I realized that I have been afraid for a long time and this realization came after an onslaught of unexpected news in my life.

Hit Follow (Para kay Bernardo Bernardo na si Bernardo Carpio pala)

Ikaw,

2 taon na mula nang huli tayong umakyat ng bundok, nakita ko kanina sa facebook "On This Day" ko, paborito kang feature nun eh, grabe 2 yearsssss! Di ako makapaniwala, ang bilis ng mga taon, parang di naman din kasi I think last month lang nag-dra-drama pa rin ako over a memory of you, haha. Oh wells.

Yes, your Ukes. Picture taken without permission. Go ahead sue me, tapos babalikan kita ng demanda dun sa 500 na utang mo sa akin at sa 500 na di mo rin ibinalik nung nag-Baguio tayo at para sa damages ng puso kong wasak for the last 2 years. Siraulo ka. Ay di, joke lang, supposedly positive post to eh. Hahaha. 

Post-Something Post

Over a month ago I was tasked to write a poem, a Tagalog poem at that, with the intent of presenting it to about 1,500 audiences. It was nerve racking. The writing process prompted the return of my insomnia, irritable mood and writing insecurities. It was not a good time.

10th of 11: How I Want It

    I did mention that I had an idea or two on how to spend this year's celebration of my birthday. It required stamina and quite an amount of money as I was planning of spending it with friends. Here's the rough supposed 'to-do' list:

1. Have my hair dyed a striking color blue and pink (Didn't get to do that exactly, had it with a lighter hue though)

9th of 11: Glimmer

    

     Arrangements have been made and it looks like I am indeed going to move out of our house. Almost 26 years and I am sure as hell am not prepared for it.To stay at home is enjoy the conveniences of life, however if I do really need to change something, anything I must do something different first. My youngest brother is apathetic about it. He will be moving with me and this is so much about him than about me, while our father is against it, there are other ways he said. I don't want to risk it before it's too late. So yeah, in the last couple of days I was staying at friends' houses and exploiting their kindness. It's overwhelming. 

2nd of 11: Mundane is Constant

tag-lish post coming to you in a moment, nawa'y di kayo masuka sa pagkairita. :)

     My scheduled job interview today brought me back to the Ortigas-Mandaluyong area. At muli kong natagpuan ang sarili kong nakaupo sa isang regular bus mula sa Cubao at tinitiis ang bigat ng traffic. It's the kind where you fall asleep on one spot and you wake up a good 10 minutes later, having moved for about a meter only (or even less), basta nakakairita. Ipinaalala muli sa akin ng biyaheng iyon kung bakit di naging mahirap sa akin ang magresign mula sa dati kong trabaho sa Ortigas, nakakaubos na ng lakas ang biyahe papuntang trabaho tapos kalahi pa ni Satanas ang ugali ng mga maaabutan mo sa opisina (my better judgement is trying to tell me not to add that  part, but one must make some really bad choices sometimes, may it be a collection of words turn into a phrase, right?) Alas-nuebe ang scheduled interview ko, pero halos 9:30 na ay nasa Cubao pa rin kami. Wala halos usad, masaklap. I was actually scared na baka bumalik yung mga INC kaya ganoon na lang bagal ng galaw ng mga sasakyan (oo medyo iritable ako sa isyu na yan dahil naroon ako ng mga panahong nagpapakitang gilas ang kultong yun, pipigilin ko na ang sarili ko dito baka ano pa ang madagdag ko). Iniisip ko pa yung lalaking katabi ko sa bus, panay ang sipat sa akin/sa dibdib ko, medyo nailang pa ako kasi baka kako ang revealing ng damit ko gayong I took great care in choosing my attire for this interview, red nga lang yung bra ko, dahil kaya dun yun? Hmmm.

Taken Aback

As the new dawn settles in, there was a commotion in my neighborhood.
People may be hostile around here but they whisper and tiptoe around the slumbering.
Not this morning.
A heavy feeling in the air can be felt and breaths were held.